Love and it's long term effect

Foreword -

" God never gives you more than you can handle."

Life is a series of shit shit shit shit shit and temporary happiness. Overall happiness is only achieved when you stop giving a shit and overlooking the stupid shit. The best way to deal is to do your best to learn a lesson, no matter how many times it takes.

Yours truly,

G

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Love is almost like a sickness. Love takes you away from loneliness only to deliver you right back to it. I just recently heard that and much like death, love is the only inevitable variable of our lives. I've had many many platonic relationships in my life. Lovers I didn't necessarily get loved on by, boyfriends who were really just intense lovers, lovers who loved others and more. I hold all my lovers closely to my heart. Really I only had one that was on a sexual sense, but they were all responsible for the woman I am. Teaching me things about the world, teaching me to refine my taste.

I've mentioned how my ex really fucked my heart but really he just opened it up for me to have more fun. I haven't quite got the heart I used to, it's been replaced by a fickle and shady heart. One that cannot love and is hesitant to. My love is an outlaw. I want to experience shady love, crazy passions, distance, fights, maturity, immaturity. In these terms, I realize I was lucky to have had my ex as the last man I fell for - the rest really could not have me provided me with the love he did ( until one day he didn't ). My past relationship reminds me that love does exist and one can only fully enjoy it after experiencing all the other types of mislabeled ' love.'

It was a while before I felt fine with how my love life was.. I was temporarily bitter and in the while I questioned everything and every action. It caused me to talk about love all the time, why love happened why loved unhappened. Below are quotes that reflect my idea of love -

"Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need."

"People are never perfect, but love can be. "

"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."

All by Tom Robbins the man whose idea of love is one I believe in. For years i've tried to explain my kind of love. I tried having traditional love which didn't work. I want Tom Robbins love - the love that isn't black or white.. it's grey pink and sparkles.

One of my biggest questions through my quest was... Do we love less and less with time? Or does love slowly die after a heartbreak? I felt like after my ex I'd never love again, and though I haven't yet fallen in love again I know that's not correct. While speaking to a past lover I asked him the question about where love goes and he told me one of the wisest things I've ever heard - " Love doesn't go away with age. You simply learn what love really is and you cease to mistake lust for love " and it made so much sense and helped me realize that far too often we take relationships far too seriously and end out losing the fun in it.

A recently engaged friend told me how after his engagement the fights changed.. now every time he fights he gets doubts and wonders if he did the right thing. I don't doubt he loves his fiance very much and does want to be with her on the long run. It's just that the gravity and urgency has far deepened and taken the fun out of it. And before we realize what love REALLY is we waste our time in all these serious relationships being grown ups and not having fun and finding out who we really are.

Realizing the above mentioned helped me overcome the awful feeling I had inside. I chose to ask as many questions in order to inform my young inexperienced heart and it paid off - I accept the end of affairs, relationships, and infatuation with as much regard as missing an episode of a favorite show. Love can only be learned that way, to experience as much as you can as you structure yourself into a partly decent adult and sometime, somewhere one of those lovers will turn into your eternal dreamboat. But even if it doesn't, those lovers will shape you into the person who will find her piece and due to all the fore-learned experience wont lose him to silly childhood mistakes we tend to make in our early relationships.